And I've only done two writing exercises and not a whole lot else. So the question becomes this: am I motivated, confused, oblivious, what? What? WHAT? Why no write?
I could point to excuses: my ADHD son, my dual jobs, my cold, my needy dog, etc. etc. etc. However, these excuses are delusional, at best.
The real reason though, stems from the fact that unlike other writers, I don't need to eat, breath, or drink writing. I do it as a fun hobby. I do it because the process makes me giddy with happy happy. I write because I love the IDEA of writing so much that I'm willing to overlook the almost lack of talent. Well, I think I actually lack experience and eduction more than I lack talent.
I also lack drive....and ambition...and motivation...and all those things that differ the amateur writer from the professional writer. Unlike the pros, I don't feel the need to write in a journal prior to brushing my teeth. I don't feel itchy if I haven't typed or written words in a couple of hours. As an amateur, I fit in my writing around the above excuses: the things that I prioritize over my writing.
And I'm ok with that.
I don't call myself a writer as much as I call myself as a person who wants to write when the time presents itself. I love turning on mood music, preparing a pot of tea, and then gathering my instruments. I love pouring my tea, reading my book on writing exercises and following-thru on one that catches me. I love the experience as I watch my pen move across the page, transforming my thoughts into tangible sentences. I love the scratchy feeling of my fountain point as it moves across my Moleskin. I love that quiet and restful feeling as satisfaction creeps through me as I see the results of my imagination move across the page.
Perhaps I'll never see anything of mine in print beyond this unknown blog and I find that I'm ok with that.